Campaign Journal

Agnar available 3/7.
Ragnhildr available 3/7.

CPEG — Yesterday at 6:33 PM

first time running the abstract mass combat rules
lay siege to an ogre fort
PC hires 150 crossbowmen, 2 medium catapults
almost eliminate them before melee is joined
one single Ogre unit is able to drive off 1 loose crossbowmen platoon
total rout

Crossbowmen OP

CPEG — Yesterday at 8:42 PM

be me
bronze statue created by Elven sorceror-king to guard his tomb for time eternal
be chilling in the main sanctum, guarding his magical artifact
one day, hear a click and footsteps
a pack of humans and filthy dwarves walk in
“INTERLOPERS IN THE TOMB!” Myself and my 3 statue brethren awaken
hapless adventurers try to fight back, their weapons bouncing harmlessly off our bronze bodies
some of them have summoned manes, but our mighty blades obliterate them
adventurers screw off
cleanup time, we unspike all the traps, close all the doors
adventurer footprints lead to the two rooms our King created with magical braziers to deactivate us
instead of returning to our places, we split up and guard the brazier rooms
a month later, my door is opened again
adventurers give a hearty “wtf” seeing us in a room they expected to be empty
one of them tries to spike the door closed
“DEFILERS IN THE TOMB!”
once again they run away
next day, they try again
they try to go past us and just go to the main sanctum
as soon as the filthy thief picks the lock, “INTERLOPERS IN THE TOMB!”
we all charge in from the south, kill one of the adventurers
adventurers run away, we stomp the fallen bard to add new mortar to the dungeon

troll dungeon is troll

Hvarr available 2/24,

CPEG — 02/23/2024 10:26 PM

be me
wyvern/f/adult
found the perfect nesting spot on top of a ruined dwarven hold
leave my eggs for 5 minutes to find food
come back to find a filthy human thief has crawled up through a crevasse
he's pilfered my shinies
rage.jpg
watch him slip and fall down the hole, crunch
mfw the meat is pre-tenderized
crawl down the crevasse to claim my prey
hairy dwarf pops out of a hole in the wall and grabs his buddy
our eyes lock
roll simultaneous initiative
he rolls high and just barely slips backwards into the narrow hole before I tear him apart
mfw the thief survived with only a broken leg
mfw he immediately blabs about seeing my 6 eggs
mfw I hear excited chatter about how much wyvern eggs sell for

What has this world come to? You can't even defend your nest from home invaders without them calling CPS.

Lee Adamson (dizzydragon.net) — 02/23/2024 10:38 PM
…. Then later on we all get torn apart by ogres, lol.

Parker available 2/22.

Josh — 02/15/2024 9:01 PM
Today's session was fun

Party started off deciding to do a deep wilderness trek
12 miles into the woods they found a huge patch of a magical resource (Bioluminescent mushrooms I ruled)
Naturalism check discovered they were magical and valuable
party goes back to class 5 duchy capital to wrangle up some peasants for mushroom gathering purposes
“wilderness encounter” dictates that during the gathering of the mushrooms a lair/dungeon was found
party decides to delve
theres a chimera inside
the party throws 9(!) manes at it
the pretty mage gets her face scarred badly, the fat mage gets his beard and hair burnt off by a breath attack
9 manes and a mage casting magical missile take it down for the most part
the mage who got breath attached was controlling a petty fire elemental and she lost control, elemental went berserk
mane army takes down elemental
loot gets acquired (a fancy elven crown with a ruby - 6800gp!)
unicorns try to kill the party but they evade (Are we the baddies??)
DM remembers to throw a tax collector at the party
Tax collector is bribed and he fucks off with some decent reaction rolls

The End

We had 3 casters, all with summon manes

Agnar available 2/14.

Ragnhildr available 2/4.

Lee — 01/30/2024 8:47 PM
Ragnvaldr Redhelm, Lvl 2 Dorfen Tombsealer. Gobbled up by giant lizards as the rest of the party made a tactical withdrawl!

Josh — 01/30/2024 8:55 PM
Breesha - Ran down and consumed by a tuatara lizard
Ragnvaldr and Breesha have a 600gp and 900gp memorial in Caer Sidi in the local graveyard as part of their heroic funeral (no body to actually have a funeral for)
Large marble memorials will eventually be erected for them

Josh — 01/30/2024 9:03 PM
Caer Sidi is starting to have a heroes section in the graveyard lmao

Lee — 01/30/2024 9:05 PM
Ragnhildr quakes angrily through the funeral and at her brother's grave vows to purify Keltoi Fougu with fire, or die trying!
Forunately her cousins are soon to arrive from the dorfenhome to assist in this endeavor.

Ragnvaldr available 1/29 with 5 new gold teeth!
-1 enc Drawf-sized plate commission finished in Prydwen.

-1 enc MW shield commission finished in Prydwen.

Ragnhildr available 1/16.

Ragnvaldr available 1/14.

Ragnvaldr available 1/12.

A-Team travels to Prydwen.

Eldrin available 1/10.

Eldrin travels to Prydwen w/ Mani and Maccus.

Ragnvaldr available 1/1.

Ragnhildr spends 2 days crafting 3 L1 trinkets.

Ragnhildr available 1/1.

Ragnhildr available 12/30.

Maccus (henchman) L? Fighter
Denewulf L? ???
Mani L2 Wonderworker
Lesandir L1 Elven Spellsword
Reynard L3 Mountebank
Boggart L1 Dorf Craftpriest
Sirfen ??? (left early)
Ragnhildr Redhelm L1 Dorf Furnacewaifu
A doge, which is no more. RIP doge.

(I didn't write down names until after the session ended, so I apologize if I forgot anyone. Message me on discord and I'll add you if I did!)

We were back on regular 1:1 time finally! But the message didn't get around, so there was some kinda fucked up time shear where some characters from the future came back to the past to adventure in the present! It's a Star Trek episode! REEEEEE!

BACK TO THE TOWER OF MAGIC FUCKFUCKERY, BITCHES! LET'S GOOOOOOOO!!!

We hit the trails and there are no encounters. At the tower, we discover that the brigands are there and have just finished mopping up the orcs on L1. THANKS GUYS!

HIT THE STAIRS! FK YEA!

Level 2, hole in the ceiling to the east. Rubble. Passageway northeast. Portcullis to the north! Ceiling cat is absent (along with any other ceiling-hole monsters)!

NE passage. Probe ahead with polearm. A PRESSURE PLATE! We avoid the trap!

Passage opens into E/W hallway. Another portcullis to the west! ANOTHER FUCKING TRAP! But we avoided it!

We getting cocky cos we so profeshunel an sheet.

We go east! Yuge chamber with a couple of natty statues of some kind of hooded guy, and a dias! We poke around looking for sekret stuff.

OH FUCK SKELETEENS COMING FROM THE WESSSST!!! Where they come from? WHO KNOWS THIS IS D&D DAMMIT FK THEM SKELES!

Somebody turned undead like a gangsta and turned 10 of them, but I was too busy shitting myself to write down who!

We kilt the rest of them. No loot! :( :( :(

Open the north door! GIANT FUCKING ANTS FUCKKKKKK!!

Oh wait, they are running away! The giant ants fuck off down through a big hole in the floor.

Ragnhildr drops a torch down the hole. But if curves away and we can see nothing!

We exit room and shut the door behind us!

Open the south door! There's a bag of LOOT HANGING FROM THE CEILING!

What fuckery is this!? TOTALLY NOT AN OBVIOUS TRAP GUYS!

Mani summons berserkers! They cut it down. …….. It wasn't actually a trap! WTF!

5000 sp! 100gp of ornamental gems! GEM ALERT!!! FUCKIN LOOT YEEEEBOI!

South! Mani sends the barbarians off galumphing while we check out a big south room with no loot (and whose description I missed because I ran off for a piss break!).

OH SHIT A PACK OF FOUR GIANT DRACO LIZARDS! THEY KILLED THE BERZERKERS!

THEY'RE COMING RIGHT FOR US!

Mufuckas are vicious! Mani summons more berserkers! Muhfuckas getting cleaved by lizards! Aw sheeit!

Denewulf falls! FUCK SHIT FUKKKK! Ragnhildr drags him out of the melee.

After a ruff fight, we slay 3 of the lizards and one gets away out a window.

Denewulf rolls like a boss on MW table and comes away from it with nothing but some cool scars. Not even walking wounded, so we keep going,

West door! Library! It's all shitty and decayed though. BUT SECRET DOOR TO THE SOUTH!

LOOOOOOT! Two barrels of hooch and a chest!

1000e, 3 opals (2k gp), gem studded magnifying glass, spell scroll (later id'd as Haste).

OH SHIT A FLESH GOLEM JUST CAME THROUGH THE EAST DOOR! He doesn't seem immediately aggressive though!

We grab the loot (and the dead lizards) and fuck off to the west!

Mani sends the berserkers to lift the portcullis and spike it open before they disappear.

We fuck off back to Balmoral with the loot!

OH SHIT, A PARTY OF HOBGOBLINS IN THE FOREST!

They threaten. We call their bluff. They scoff and turn to leave.

Reynard shoots their leader in the back of the head with his bow, instakilling!

The rest of the hobblies run like the little bitches they are!

Mani summons more berserkers and they run down 5 of them. Two of them got away!

We make it back to Balmoral!

We sell loot!

720xp, 642gp per PC!

Reynard brews some quacksalves while the rest of us go check out an old mine entrance nearby to the northwest. It was a bust! All collapsed and flooded!

BACK TO THE TOWER THEN!

Camp for the night! BAT SWARM! It left us alone though!

We get to the tower! All is as we left it, it seems!

We are about to go through the spiked protcullis, when there is a scream (in elvish) from the east!

We beat feet that way to see wtf is going on!

Back in the statue/dais room! AN ELF IS CRUCIFIED TO THE WALL! HE DAID!

Then the dead elf melts into a pile of goo! WTF MAN!

Northward! Long hallway! We go through a door and trigger a trap! FUCK! A berserker takes it.

There are a bunch of elves in a wide passage to the north! They seem confused and ask for halp!

We question them a little. They seem suspicious. Fkin elves.

HOLY SHIT! THEY JUST TURNED INTO A HUWIGHT AND 8 SKELETEENS!

THE HUWIGHT MELTS THE DOGE! NUUUUUUU NOT THE DOGE! ALAS! ALACK!

We slay the shit out of them. Wooo! NO LOOT THOUGH DAMMIT!

We head on around and encounter a fancy butler! There's a yuge dinner party going on! FANCY!

Reynard impersonates a servant and successfully spikes all their wine with holy water! Then he rolls not-great on another reaction roll.

OH FUCK THE DINNER PARTY TURNED INTO 8 GHOULS! THE BAND TURNED INTO 3 SKELETEENS! IT'S LIKE DUSK TIL DAWN, FUCKKKKKK!

Reynard offers them a toast to his death! THEY DRINK!

AHAHA DUMBASS GHOULIES ARE CHOKING AND GAGGING! Half of them die. BOSS MOVE REYNARD!

We slay the rest of them! STILL NO LOOT THOUGH DAMMIT!

It's getting late RL. We fuck off back to the entrance. Mani sends the berserkers looking in a corner we didn't explore before they expire and they come back with an empty lock box.

EMPTY! DAMMIT! WHERE IS THE FUCKING LOOOOOOOOOT?!?

Oh wait, it has a false bottom.

A YUGE RUBY THE SIZE OF REYNARD'S GONADS AFTER HE BOSSED THOSE GHOULS! Hell yes. It's stuck in there and it's trapped though.

There was also a magical mask that detected as evil in some barrels in a store room. We got it into the lock box without touching it.

Ok! Now it's time to fuck off out of the dungeon for real!

SCARY SOUNDS FROM INSIDE THE LIBRARY AS WE PASSED BY! We dropped a ration behind us and continued fucking off!

WE GOT OUT!

We head back to Balmoral to sell shit.

OH FUCK, A GOBLIN CAMP!

We evaded them!

We camped for the night. SOME HUGE HUMANOIDS OFF IN THE DARKNESS THAT NIGHT! But they pass on by. Either we were well hidden of they didn't give a fk!

We make it back to Balmoral!

We go to sell the loot! One of the Lethanis Association guys triggers the mask's curse and it sticks to his face! Lul.

500gp, 358xp per PC!

TOTAL VICTORY!

…. And Ragnhildr is 52 xp from level 2. . Dammit.

Ragnhildr available 12/19.

Reifen L3 Freebooter
Boggart L1 Dorf Craftpriest
Maccus (henchman) ???
Alessia ???
Colter L4 Thief
Brak L3 Thief (henchman)
Llewellyn L1 Mage
Sirfen ???
Mani L? Wonderworker?
Astesia ???
Spetznaz the Doge
Sniff the Doge
Ragnvaldr Redhelm L2 Dorf Tombsealer

OFF TO THE DORFHOLD! We got whorses an sheet. Moving at 120. Woo.

We followed the river, and came upon a ruined stone building full of junk piles!

We found a chest in the junk!

LOOOOOOT!

6000sp
20 bundles of furs
Gems! (yuge ruby, pearl, 2x Chalc, orange (based) amber)
Crystal vial w/ purple liquid.

Then we made it to the Dorfhold! This place is YUGE! Big ramp up to smashed up front doors. Battlements above! And 2x collapsed places up on the cliff face that we can't get to!

We went in! A murder room with battlements to the sides, and a broken bridge through the center!

Colter and Reifen climbed up on the battlements to scout around!

OH SHIT, A GIANT FLY! REEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

(It was scared of all the BDE and flew away.)

Nothing too scary up there! They come down.

We go out and chop down some trees to make a makeshift bridge across the broken bridge in the murder room!

ONWARDS!

Double doors! We go through!

KOBOLDS RUN AWAY WHEN WE OPEN THEM!

More double doors! We go through!

Atrium with yuge rug. Nothing under it. Big smooth walled pit in the middle. Double doors to the W, N, and E!

Doges smell stuff at every door. Hm!

Dropped a torch down the pit! 100' deep! There's a ledge 50' down!

OH SHIT! 12 GIANT RATS!

Kill kill kill!

Ragnvaldr tombseals the north door.

We go east!

Secret door!

Treasure ROOM!!!!!!!!!

10000cp
2 rugs
16 ingots
4 fancy feathers
3 logs of fanciness
4gal oil
barrel o' fish
20 bricks of salt
Bottle of wine
Spifftastic Chainmaille (later identified as +1).

More doors! We hear activity behind them!

We set up a KILL PLAN!

OPEN DOORS!

OH SHIT! 16 MOORLOCKS and 1 BIG CHIEF MOORLOCK!

THEY ARE SURPRISED!

THROW MILITARY OIL! CAST BURNING HANDS!

CHIEF DEAD! 1/2 the moorlocks dead!

The rest surrender!

We put them to the sword! FOR GREAT VICTORY! ZIG!

Another door!

Sounds of heavy breathing behind it! It's either Huwyte Apes or the 1000 year old zombie dorf king looking at anime trap pr0n and beating it.

Either way, we fucked off and backtracked!

A LOCKED DOOR!

We picked it!

A BIGASS STONE CHEST! FUCK YESSSSS!

Reifen finds a tripwire and sets it off with his polearm.

HOLY SHIT A YUGE ROCK FALLS OUT OF THE CEILING!

Phew, good thing we didn't trip a trap accidentally! … … … …

Reifen goes in and checks the chest.

OH SHIT A POISON GAS TRAP! (not the kind of trap the 1000 year old zombie dorfen king may have been beating it to either!)

REIFEN IS DEAD! NUUUUUUUUUUU! FUCK!

Mani summons barbarians to get the body so we can try to save him! The gas kills them all! SHIT SHIT SHIT!

The gas clears! We grab the body!

Really shitty rolls on mortal wounds table! REIFEN IS DEAD FO SHO! D:

We look in the chest.

2000 gp
5000 sp
8000 cp

We grab Reifen's body and all the treasure (except the logs) and fuck off back to the whorses!

We fuck off towards Caer Sidi at top speed!

We stop and grab the furs from that ruin from before.

We continue fucking off!

We come across a lovely magical oak clearing with a fancy peaceful magical pond.

QUICK! THROW REIFEN IN! MAYBE HE WILL COME BACK TO LIFE!

No?

Well shit.

We continued fucking off.

OH SHIT! A HERD OF ANGRY MOOSES! RUN AWAY!

(We ran away.)

Finally back to Caer Sidi!

We pay to have Restore Life and Limb cast on Reifen!

He rolls shitty (but is alive)! THERE ARE PRICES FOR MESSING WITH MORTALITY! REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Victory? Maybe?

953 xp/PC 1023 gp/PC

Ragnvaldr wastes 800gp feeding the hungry chillens (XP bank)

Ragnvaldr available 12/12.
Eldrin available 12/12.

Ragnvaldr available 12/8
Parker available 12/8

Ragnvaldr, Eldrin, and someone's hench have a Blues Brothers Road Movie adventure to get to Caer Sidi and meet up with the rest of the paaaaatay.

They travel from the brigand camp to Caer Balmoral. 2 days.

Oh shit, Ogres! Run away! (They evaded).

They join up with a caravan and travel from Balmoral to Caer Sidi. 2 days.

They arrive at Caer Sidi on 12/12.

Ragnhildr Redhelm (L1 Dwarven Furnacewife)
Colter
Boggard
Horgar (L1 Human Barbarian)
Mani (L? Nubrian Wonderworker)
Bolverk
Stifen
Finrow

(I gotta get youse guys' classes and levels!)

Travel to Caer Barmoral!

We stopped by the mausoleum, but were still unable to pick the lock!

We stumbled upon a pasture full of horsetail and started harvesting it.

A HECKING GRIZZLY BAAAR ATTACKS!

Colter (iirc?) shoots it with crossbow! It gets more mad!

Horgar charges it, and cleaves it in twain with his 2h sword! (double damage for charge, rolled max damage!)

We finished harvesting the horsetail and continued!

Camp for the night! Giant flies came and ate up the bear parts that we'd harvested and hung in a tree! D:

Next day we made it to Caer Barmoral!

We met up with Reynard and he joined the party!

We sold the horsetail, and took the magic staff to the mage's guild for identification.

We sold the magic staff (+1, Magic Missile lvl2) for 10,000gp!!! YEEEBOI XP! 1666xp, 1666gp per character!!! Ragnvaldr levels up!

We ran some errands in town, then headed back south.

Found a giant nest in a tree on the way. We left it alone!

Found a 30' wide sinkhole!!! Ragnhildr chucked a torch in! Something BIGASS was in there! Maybe a wyvern? We fucked right off!

Next we encountered a band of bugbears (11)! D: We gave each other the stink eye. Neither attacked, so we moved along.

We camped for the night. It snowed! Brr!

Next day no encounters. We camped again just before getting to the tower. An inch of snow in the morning!

We enter the tower and bash a door! ORCS!!!! COMBAT!

We won, but Horgar was mortally wounded! Ragnhildr used up her rechargeable trinket. We saved Horgar though, but we'll have to pre-chew his food from now on!

ONWARD!

OH FUCK A GANG OF ORCS!

RUN AWAY RUN AWAY RUN AWAY!

(We ran away to the foyer.)

OH FUCK MORE ORCS!

Oh wait, they are running away. KILL KILL KILL.

They got away. We fucked off and left the tower.

THE ORCS CHASED US OUT AND WAVED THEIR PENII IN OUR GENERAL DIRECTION! D:

We fucked off back to the mausoleum. Camped for the night. In the morning, a herd of unicorns thundered past the camp! D:

(Never play leapfrog with a unicorn. It could be a very penetrating experience!!)

The next morning, we made a battering ram AND FINALLY MADE THAT MAUSOLEUM DOOR OUR BITCH!!

MANI SENT THE BERSERKERS IN TO FIND TRAPS!

(no traps)

LOOOOOOOOOT!!!! FUCK YES!

Fucked off the the brigand camp. Bought 2 donkeys and a cart. Ragnhildr bought the cart (25gp).

We got the shit back to the brigand camp! XP!!!! MONEY!!!!

944xp per player. 744gp per player. 1500 still left to sell in the china. CHYNA!

We took a riverboat to Prydwen.

Someone caught a yuge catfish. We bought it and threw a yuge party.

(Ragnhildr spends 700gp profligate spending.)

We sold the chyna. 188 xp, 206.5 gp per PC.

TOTAL VICTORY (sorta).

(adventure ends 12/19)

Eldrin available 12/5

First entry. Post-game, so it's a bit of a mess. From here on I'll be taking notes during the session.

Dudlen the Dwarven Machinist
Ragnvaldr, Dwarven Tombsealer
Parker the Fighter (on loan to someone else)
Wonderworker the Wonderworker
Geornson the Idunno What Class He Is
Colter the Idunno What Class He Is
Stifen the Idunno What Class He Is

We headed back to the ruined chapel and snagged the little bit of loot that was left. Nothing really worthwhile, except Ragnvaldr grabbed a couple of hand axes to throw at stuff.

Went to the tower of weirdassedness. Bashed the shit out of a door over and over until it opened.

Oh look, kobolds on the other side waiting for us! I guess we made too much noise.

Slay slay slay slay!

Onward to the kobold lair!

Wonderworker summoned four barbarians! Oh my!

Slay slay slay slay the kobolds!

Geornson (IIRC) was reduced to 0hp with an unlucky strike. Oh no!

Tis but a flesh wound. He was fine, just needs his food pre-chewed now. Kobolds slain! Kobold wammen and chillen put to the sword!

BEASTMAN HORDE DEFEATED!

Ghostly barbarians went off and looted some other stuff while we were busy murderhoboing. Mmmm, loot.

Avoided an orc warband on the way out. Sneaky sneaky!

Back to the brigand camp with a shitload of loot. Woo!

And all of our buttholes finally unclenched.

912xp, 870gp per PC.

Ragnvald invests 800 of it on profligate spending.

TOTAL VICTORY.

Ragnhildr available 12/1